Welcome to RCF - WHF

fishead · Feb 09, 2005

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Everyone has a photographic memory; Some just don't have film.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the h*ll happened.

Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

Why do people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older ... they were cramming for their finals!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

Why does Wendy's have square hamburgers?

Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?

Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

rb2d2 · Sep 25, 2004

mojo · Feb 03, 2007

wheres the lifeguard? LOL

fishead · Feb 09, 2005

How about some good oxymorons like George Carlin's Jumbo Shrimp routine....

a 12ounce pound cake
act naturally
alone together
anarchy rules!
anxious patient
awfully good
baby grand
bitter sweet
boneless ribs
bridegroom
civil war
clearly misunderstood
click the start button to shut down
current history
cutting up a downed tree
deafening silence
Dodge Ram
doing nothing
double solitaire
exact estimate
extinct life
female Sperm Whale
foreign national
found missing
freezer burn
front end
fuzzy logic
good grief
graduate student
growing smaller
guest host
hopelessly optimistic
hot chili
incredibly convincing
jet lag
last initial
least favorite
light heavyweight
limited lifetime guarantee
liquid gas
live recording
long shorts
loud whisper
Mobile Station
much less
natural makeup
non-dairy creamer
non-denominational church
only choice
open secret
original copy
partially complete
Peace Force
perfectly awful
plastic glasses
press release
pretty ugly
science fiction
sit up
spendthrift
stand down
stop action
stripper's dressing room
student teacher
sure bet
synthetic natural gas
terrific headache
tight slacks
toll free
traffic flow
tragic comedy
unbiased opinion
uninvited guest
vibrating ringtone
virtual reality
where the truth lies
white chocolate
wireless cable

rb2d2 · Sep 25, 2004

LOL, never really thought about it but they are oxymorons aren't they?

Applause